I recently returned home from El Paso, Texas. I went with some ladies to attempt to bowl in the USBA Women's Nationals Bowling Tournament. The bowling was horrible but the ice cream at the bowling arena... delicious. Although the ice cream was yumm-a-riffic, it was not the highlight of the trip. Since there were so many things that were eventful and way too much to write in paragraph form, I will present them in a bulleted format. Because I not only heart bullets, as well., but I'm freaking LAZY.
- The flight from some place in TX to El Paso, landed safely, but not before the pilot damn near steered the plane off of the runway.
- Upon entering the hotel, which was 6 blocks from Mexico, my bowling bag, with two 14 lbs balls in it, fell over onto my footsie.
- Joyce tried to steal my nose ring in the middle of the night. I found it later in the day on the bed, it must have been stuck on the butt of her pajama pants. What the hell her ass was doing on my nose, I'll never know.
- We encountered the coolest casino shuttle driver and Mexican-American ever, Alfredo. Who gave us a tour of the dazzling, clean, and beautiful (HUGE EXAGGERATION) Juarez Meh-i-co. OK, so I'm not sure if Alfredo was Mexican-American, I'm assuming. I'm "James Frey-in" it up for ya. Don't know who James Frey is? Well, google it.
- I lost 40 bucks in a stupid slot machine.
- I lost way more than that entering stupid bowling brackets just to lose.
- We were stranded for over 2 hours (sadly, not an exaggeration) at The Saddleblanket Store or as we lovingly named it, The Saddlebags Store, since our shitty hotel shuttle forgot us yet kept lying about it.
- Denise, Tina, Peggy, and I ventured down to the freaking border of Mexico on a quest for El Paso t-shirts. We eventually found some, but not before finding: a.) a pair of Elephant styled man-thongs AKA Slong-Thongs, b.) a dude asking for a "tauter" so he could take the bus, and c.) 1-5 people who actually spoke English. Thank the Lord for Mr. Shannon Morris... or I would have been screwed!
- I lost 40 more smackers in slots, but Marge and I partnered up and since she's the luckiest woman in the world (NOT AN EXAGGERATION), I ended up 10 ahead. Yay me!
- Alfredo or "Freddy" to his bitches, took us to the border to see my hard-working, just looking for a better life, Mexican hombres being stifled by "The Man" and not being allowed into U.S. soil. That being said, he also showed us the gobs of border patrol who were putting their lives on the line to keep our borders safe from the not-so-my-hombres, Mexican, shit-bags who want to bring in all of their black tar and ruin our lives. ** No fear, my children... because America has one hard-hitting law man on their side...I say this bc that rent-a-cop who was staring us down the entire time was super intimidating.
- I left my damn wallet in Freddy's shuttle.
- ** the following bullet WILL contain grammatical errors. Hell, I'm sure the whole thing is filled with 'em, but again... MEGAN IS LAZY. Anyhoo.....Freddy saved the day and drove all the way back from New Mexico with my wallet. Just to be a gentleman, he said, "check it and make sure every thing's in there." To him, I replied, "you haven't picked anyone up yet, have you?" "No.", said Freddy. "Aw, then we're cool, man." I added. Followed by a, "YOU ARE AWESOME, FREDDY!" and a hefty $5 tip, which in Mexico, I'm sure is like $7.50.
- I sucked AGAIN and lost MORE Freaking money bowling. ** I'm not quite sure if this event is posted in chronological order as my sucking at bowling seems to run together sometimes.
- We left El Sucko, TX on Sunday, when it was a chilly 107 degrees. ** The following day, a 14-year-old boy was killed by a Border Patrol Agent near the border. The little douche- head was throwing stones at the agent. What were you thinking, nino? They have GUNS!
- On the flight from St. Louis to Cbus, a former NFL player sat beside Gail and I and talked our ears off. He was a humble gentleman and cool as hell (he let it slip that he played in the NFL which I think embarrassed him, maybe thinking we would assume he was trying to be the bomb-diggity) and Joyce was super jealous of our new boyfriend.
Are your eyes tired yet? No? Well, here we go with some more gibberish....
After returning home from Mexico, I mean, El Paso, I had to get my foot checked out. I thought for sure it was fractured, but the doc said I had 2 bruised bones. My mom, AKA Laura, didn't know you could bruise bones. I said, "Me not know." I'm not Gregory House for Pete's sake.
I started working at the salon in Polaris. It's about the same time to travel as the salon in Marion, but less mileage which means less gas for me. Or does it? I'm not Cooter Davenport for Pete's sake. I must say, though, I will miss the girls from the Marion salon and the regulars but the tips are so much better in Po-Ris.
I have been out of my ADHD (SEE BOOK LISTED ABOVE, A must read for ADHDers) meds for a few days now and I'm withdrawing. Kroger pharmacy is only 1/5 of a mile away, but ya know... LA-ZY. Plus it's hard to remember things when you have ADHD and you aren't on your meds (which are used to help your brain work properly...duh.) I probably should get on that ASAP. Where the hell are my post-it notes? Where the hell is a pen? I.HATE.MY.LIFE. OMG, I'm on a computer- let me type a reminder note. BRB. (Begins typing. {Megan, remember to get your ADHD and anxiety medicine.} Ends typing.) OK, I'm back. Thanks for your patience.
I'm sorry for my craziness in this blog. I'm giddy-tired due to the fact that I have been awake since 4 am, because Logan peed on my leg thanks to a diaper that was not placed onto the baby butt properly. Oh... well, I guess this enough blogging for one day. I'm getting calluses on my whittle, itty, bitty fingders. So until the next big thing happens in my boring ass life.....
Gracias, Ropa, Rojo, and Adios. *I know I totally just said Thanks, Clothes, Red, and Bye. I did it on purpose. Haven't you grasped my sense of humor yet? FOR PETE'S SAKE!
Megooners
PICS OF EL PASO TO FOLLOW.
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