Dear Abby,
It's May 2nd, 2011 and apparently something went down last evening that has everyone in a happy and joyous mood. I have tendonitis in my left hand and I quite frankly find it rude that so many people are chanting at the news of my mild injury. What did I ever do to you, America? Are the hoards of people chanting for the other HUGE news: Mariah Carey giving birth to babies? Not baby, but BABIES! Do you think they are still going absolutely apeshit about the Royal Wedding? Possibly, but that just doesn't seem right. Could it be Pope John Paul II getting one step closer to Sainthood? I doubt it since everyone hates the deceased Pope. (I'm not sure if Everyone hates him, but there has to be at least one person who does.) What am I missing? I know something huge went down, but I cannot wrap my brain around it. I'm sure it was something ridiculously important in American history. I will have to sign on to Facebook and figure it all out, since that's the #1 source for News, Weather, and Traffic. Can you help me figure everything out before I go insane?
Until Then,
Overwhelmed and Confused in Ohio.
Dear Overwhelmed and Confused in Ohio,
You are a completely ignorant asshole.
Sincerely,
Abby.
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