Happy mother's day???? Not. So. Much.

     I hope everyone had an amazing Mother's Day holiday. I quite frankly don't give a hoot about it (like many other holidays), just another day to me. This year, I went to Cincinnati and Kentucky for Ohio's state bowling Tournament. I was stoked to get the hell out of dodge and away from my children (mommy loves you). My aunt picked me up at 9 am to head on down to Cinci. We arrived at noonish and went to the airport Hilton to check in. The unhappy, little, brat front desk girl said we couldn't check in until 3. I know this is the norm, but all of the other ladies in our group were not having it. Normally, we are able to check in earlier than the posted time, but this hotel was an airport hotel so it was going to be busier than the usual places where we stay. Anyways, Carol and I had to potty, so we went to use the facilites. After doing our thang, I go to flush my toliet and it doesn't work. Carol said, "push it all the way down." I was, and still nothing. Fixing a toliet is NOT a hard job, so I popped of the top of the tank and noticed the chain was broken. I rigged it back together and voila. I fixed it! I then made it a point to tell the little bitch that I fixed her toliet. The other broad asked if I was a "hired Hilton Hotels subcontractor". I told her I should be. And she's just lucky that my husband doesn't fix anything in the house and I had to rent library books to learn how to be a handy-woman.
     On a postive note, Carol and I won the second place 50/50. I NEVER win anything, so this was shocking. I picked the ticket and they called it. Yay, it was going to be a lucky weekend. Yeah, not so much.
     I bowled like poo. 6 games on Saturday, and I sucked at them all. Only got my average 1 game. Ridiculous.
    We headed back to the hotel after bowling, we were trying to figure out where to eat and ultimately settled on Hilton's restaurant. Big mistake. They had one waitress for the entire restaurant and we were there for 2 hours waiting for appetizers. And everything was cold when we received it. Blah.
    On Sunday, we went to another bowling center to bowl the team event. I sucked even worse than Saturday! I did, however, win a box of chocolates for mother's day. They drew our lane and my postion on the roster. Yay, candy!!  The bowling center was a double decker alley. We were bowling on the top floor. I could feel the vibrations from people walking, and I got sea sick. It's hard to bowl with a upset stomach.
     After that waste of money, we were on our way home. I was excited to see the kids and the hubs. When we were 20 minutes away,  hubs was called into work. He had to leave quickly so he left a window open. When my aunt and I pulled into the drive, I realized that I forgot my house key. I then broke into my own house, through the one open, but high window.  I hit my chin pretty hard during the process. The hubs was ultimately gone for 9 hours and I was not in the mood to drive another hour to get my kids, so mom got them from the mom-in-law's house. Yay for moms!
     That was pretty much the end of the trip away for mom's day.
     Today, I had to break into the house AGAIN when I forgot my house key AGAIN. Yep, I am a moron. On the plus side, I fixed all of the vulnerable spots that I weaseled my way into.

Morals of the story: don't bowl and don't forget your house keys.

   

That's some BIG FREAKING NEWS

Dear Abby,

It's May 2nd, 2011 and apparently something went down last evening that has everyone in a happy and joyous mood. I have tendonitis in my left hand and I quite frankly find it rude that so many people are chanting at the news of my mild injury. What did I ever do to you, America? Are the hoards of people chanting for the other HUGE news: Mariah Carey giving birth to babies? Not baby, but BABIES!  Do you think they are still going absolutely apeshit about the Royal Wedding? Possibly, but that just doesn't seem right. Could it be Pope John Paul II getting one step closer to Sainthood? I doubt it since everyone hates the deceased Pope. (I'm not sure if Everyone hates him, but there has to be at least one person who does.) What am I missing? I know something huge went down, but I cannot wrap my brain around it.  I'm sure it was something ridiculously important in American history. I will have to sign on to Facebook and figure it all out, since that's the #1 source for News, Weather, and Traffic. Can you help me figure everything out before I go insane?

Until Then,

Overwhelmed and Confused in Ohio.


Dear Overwhelmed and Confused in Ohio,

You are a completely ignorant asshole.

Sincerely,

Abby.